I absolutely LOVE the people who blame cashier's for all the problems in the store. If the dressing room is messy, it's the cashier's problem. If the coke machine is out of Diet Coke, it's the cashier's fault.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Burn my bra! It's gonna be one of those days!
Posted by Cupcake at 5:33 PM 0 comments
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Something says High School Musical won't pick this story up...
This story will seem unreal and down-right crazy to 90% of the people who read this, but I can assure you, I shit you not.
I punch in at 10:30, thrilled to even be working. Even better, the other two cashiers are friends of mine. Yeah!
My first customer is a girl about my age (18-19) who purchased a variety pack of Trojan Condoms. From the get go, she seemed a bit twitchy, but really? Isn't everyone a bit twitchy when buying condoms at 10:30 in the morning??? Anywho, she pays for them and leaves.
An hour or two later, a boy no older the 5, comes through asking if he could return something. I redirected him to the Customer Service desk and thought nothing of it. My manager comes racing towards my register and says,
"Did YOU sell a 5 year old condoms???"
I must have given my "Huh?" face, because she burst into a grin and explained. The 5 year old that had come through was returning condoms that had been bought through my line earlier.
Now, I don't memorize who all buys what, but I know that I had only scanned one box of THAT particular item. Yeah...cashiers remember those sort of purchases.
Later on, we were able to get the story out of the boy. Turns out that the sister had bought the Trojans for HIM!!! The boy decided he'd rather have the money for a video game and that's where the return came in.
Crazy, isn't it? We live in a world where 5 year olds are bought condoms. Looks like parents are bringing a whole new meaning to the word, "Over-Protective".
Posted by Cupcake at 10:20 PM 0 comments
Friday, January 16, 2009
There's no need to fear! Underpaid is here!
Thursday morning, I drag my corpse of a body to my last class of the day. The whole campus resembles a scene from "Dawn of the Dead". Groans of anguish echo throughout the hallways.
Opening the door to my Prob & Stats class, I hear a familiar voice beckoning from behind me. Turning, I see the face of one of the few coworkers I like. He, like myself, seems to live to be the reject of our store.
"Hey hon! I haven't seen you in forever. Where you been?"
"They cut my hours. Amazing, isn't it? The holidays arrive and we are worked to the bone. Then it leaves, and we're pushed to the side like bad puppies. They've got to hurry up and get our schedule back to normal."
"I know...I am thinking about looking elsewhere. I mean, I can't afford to pay for tuition, my car payment, and rent with 9 hours each week."
"Trust me. I understand. If all else fails, I say we storm the place and blackmail them to work us. It's an unusual approach, but someone has to do it, right?"
He chuckles a little. His good humor allows him the ability to see right through my sarcasm. Others might have reported me to the authorities, but this guy, is on to me.
"D, you should have a blog about the things that go on in your life. It would amaze people at the complexity you call, "Everyday"."
Now it's my turn to laugh. I keep this blog as secretive as possible. I don't want anyone to know who I am or where I work for fear of getting fired....or worse...dealing with the managers.
"You're completely right. Luckily, I'm just not into 'blogging'. I guess you'll have to pitch your idea to someone else. How about "Bob"???"
"As if he even knows what the internet is! His blog would be on stone and read by Moses and the baby Jesus!"
We exchange farewells and part ways, leaving only the feeling of being some sort of secret agent left in my creaking bones. Student by day, Cashier by Dusk, Blogger by Midnight. There's nothing she can't do....or make into a humorous paragraph!
Posted by Cupcake at 10:28 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Alex, I'll take "Things that cross the line" for $200.
"I know, right? As soon as she said she was getting her lip pierced, I couldn't resist!"
Posted by Cupcake at 11:34 AM 0 comments
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Robert Frost, You've got some competition!
I had a major connection with a four year old at my work awhile ago.
Before this story, though, I should give the back story. Friday night, while I was at work, my parakeet, Isabelle, grew another pair of wings and went to Birdie Heaven. It would have been a year next week that I had had her. Naturally, I balled my eyes out. Saturday morning, I just kept looking at Fernando (Isabelle's spanish lover) in his cage and realized that he too looked sad.I had to be at work by 5.
So there I was, still in mourning, scanning diapers at KMart.That's when it happened...This lady dragged her four year old son to the counter while I did the usual routine.
Scan....Bag.....Scan.....Bag.....Scan....Bag....Price Check...Scan...Bag....
The boy looks up at me and in an instance we had a major connection. Without even a hint of hesitation, the conversation went something like this:
Boy: Hey.
D: Hey.
Boy: Your name really D****?
D: Yep.
Boy: So it's not short for anything?
D: Nope.
Boy: I knew a D****. It was short for something.
D: It happens.
*silence*
Boy: My fish died.
D: My bird died.
Boy: Yeah. What kinda bird was it?
D: Parakeet. What kinda fish was it?
Boy: Koi.
*silence*
D: What did your fish die of?
Boy: Cancer. What did your bird die of?
D: Don't know.
*more silence*
Boy: You know animals just die, right? It happens.
D: *stares* Yeah, well... it shouldn't.
*Silence x12*
Boy: You can't blame yourself. I don't blame myself for flipper dying.
D: Flipper is a fish. Isabelle was a living being. She was like my sister from another mister....You know?
Boy: Word.
Posted by Cupcake at 12:43 PM 0 comments
Friday, January 9, 2009
This message brought to you by Depends!
I'm slowly losing my mind. It's been 2 weeks since they cut my hours and I am ill over it. Never in a million years did I ever think I'd miss the black hole of death, but I do. I miss the few coworkers that make me laugh and the money. Oh, how I miss the minimum wage money.
At my store, there are three people that are what we small cashier's call, "The Big Dogs". One of them I've mentioned before under the alias, "Bob". The other two are older women, one of which has made it very well known that she wishes me death, and the other has taken it upon herself to be my Retail Mentor.
So that means 2 out the 3 hate me more then Black Friday and the other one wants to adopt me. Good odds, right?
My "Mentor" called me Tuesday morning and begged me to work. One of the daytime newbies had up and quit, leaving them without a cashier for nearly 2 hours. Let's be frank, I need the money. They could call me at 2 A.M and I'd go in. It's that bad. I accepted the extra hours with open arms.
The shift was dead for awhile. A few early risers walked through, but that was it. "Mentor" decides that since I'm enjoying the quiet, this would be the perfect time to give me my first evaluation.
Ahhhh, yes. The ole', "Come in and save us from going under!" trick got me again! Dang, she's good.
The evaluation went well. My strength's were that I had a awesomely friendly attitude (which means great customer service skills) and got work done when told. My weakness? I don't trust myself to answer questions from customers. In all reality, this is true, but really? Of all my weaknesses, she chose THAT one? How about, "Sarcastic Overflowth from register" or "A.D.D creates hostile enviroment for small children"?
Overall, I got a cool 97 as my employee grade. In my book, that is best grade I've gotten without cheating, so I was thrilled.
"Bob" then walks in the office and decides to stick his old nose where it doesn't belong.
"Whatcha doing, Mentor?"
"D's quarterly evaluation. She's being promoted from seasonal to part time."
"Evaluation, eh? You had BETTER put "Talks too much" as a weakness. I mean it! *stabs paper to death with finger* This girl is a trouble maker. If she could scan as much as she talks, she'd be a star employee! Humpf!"
Steam pours out of my ears. This sexist jackass loathes me. How he is able to walk around and talk, without being propped up, is beyond me. He's convinced everyone that he is deaf, but I have my doubts. It seems as though he is working some ancient Chinese torture on me. Instead of slowly pouring drop of water on my dehydrated forehead, he is popping up when I least want him to and spouting sexist waste onto my life.
"Mentor" sighes and scribbles down that I talk. Anything to shut the Bob up. That knocks my score to a 92. Either way, I passed the evaluation, but it just kills me that he had to pull his usual stunt.
Here's hoping the diarrhea fairy makes a stop at his home and leaves him with the gift that keeps on giving!
Posted by Cupcake at 8:21 PM 0 comments
Monday, January 5, 2009
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
Frustration was beating me senseless. My register has froze yet again and I was stuck restarting the 20 year old system.
Posted by Cupcake at 7:18 PM 0 comments
Sunday, January 4, 2009
"Mi nombre es cajero. ¿Cómo puedo ayudarle?"
"You wanna go on your 15 minute break now?"
Posted by Cupcake at 9:54 PM 0 comments
Thursday, January 1, 2009
All the kids are doing it...
It was a couple of days before Christmas and my line was crazy.
When I clocked in, I was informed by the manager that the entire store was out of regular sized bags. Instead, the cashier's would have to make due with the teenie tiny bags that are for cd's and jewelry OR the HUGE bags that were made for third world countries or smuggling large amounts of watermelons.
So for the people who buy a ton of medium sized items...you are just out of luck.
A creepy, thin man walks through my line with a buggy overflowing with boxes of Little Debbie Christmas Tree snack cakes. He looked like a grey headed Steve Buscemi.
Immediately, he informs me that he didn't count the boxes.
Seriously!?! Now I've got to count the boxes individually with my line backed up and countless pairs of eyes rolling in the back of their heads.
46. Read that again....The man bought 46 boxes of Little Debbie Christmas Tree Snack Cakes. 46.
One of the cool cartboys told me later that he even asked one of the floor workers to get him the ones we had in stock.
His total was over $130 for those interested.....
My curiousity got the best of me during the transaction:
"So...are these for you students or a boy scouts event?"
"No. Why?"
*awkward silence*
"Oh...no reason."
Does anyone else find 46 boxes of snack cakes suspicious, or is it just me? Is there a new way to make meth using Christmas Tree cakes that I've not yet been informed of?
What a bizarre job I work.....
Posted by Cupcake at 2:23 PM 0 comments